I was going through my father's books one night when i found a letter.It was a letter written to my father by a woman.There were no secret to hide now my father was late. I slowly read the letter with curiosity wanting to know who my father was. After i had finished reading the letter, i was left with more questions than answers. I wished i had found this letter when he was still alive.
Around 1976 my father was in exile in Botswana. During his span in exile he met a Tswana woman. Judging by the beauty of my mother i would love to believe she was beautiful too. They became friends later on made love and had a son. A few months after the birth of my brother my father left them. He never came back. He did not write or phone them. He closed that chapter.
24 years after my father left Botswana i met my half brother for the first time.My father was still alive then and i had not found the letter. I was too young to ask question all i did was to hug my brother and go tell my friends i have a brother from Botswana. It is not a mystery how my half brother found his father. When my father left Botswana, the only thing he left my brother was a book (forgot the title of the book). Written in that book was a message from father to son and an address of where my father used to stay. Later on when my brother was grown up,he began a quest to look for his father. The only clue that he had besides blood running in his veins was an address to a foreign country he had never been to.He took a bus to Zimbabwe and with all forces behind him he found the house and my father.
My brother came again for the second time and he never came back again to see his father.A few years later my father passed on. We lost contacts and failed to notify him about the death of his father.
While i was reading the letter from my brother's mother to my father my heart melted and i almost cried.
she wrote (not in her words but summarized)
Dear Cecil
I am glad that i am writing this letter to you. I hope you are fine. I had you are married and have children. I am married too and i have two children now. I am now living in America, my husband got a job there so we moved. Cecil, you came into my life and i allowed you in. We brought life into this world together and it was wonderful. However you left us without saying goodbye. You never came back neither did you write to us. We waited for you hoping that you will come back but you never did. How did you want me to answer our son when he asks where his father is? I lived every night to think what wrong i did to you that made you leave.If i had known the reason for you leaving at least i would hold on to that. However i do not know.I am sorry for the pain i caused you yet i did not know. I am sorry if i did not love you much, at least if you had spoken i would have tried more. My heart still bleeds and i still feel the pain. Yes i did find love but i lost you.
I have found room to forgive you however, there was no space to forget. I wish you all the best in your life
Rachel.
My father never replied, if he did, maybe he wrote the wrong address.I do not know why, maybe it is because he loved my mother or he loved Rachel more. Only he can answer that but all we left with are just diaries and letters.
In memory of my Father Cecil Siso Charles Lwanga Dengela Dube 1947-2005
written by Hawulethu Patrice Dube
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